Spinning

    I am standing here spinning around. Several paths surround me like beams from the sun. There is a familiar road that beckons me filled with memories of love. A laugh leaps from me as I recall those past steps. A nother road lures my attention with the promise of adventure, a new impassioned love, and a safe haven for my soul. Yet another road reminds me of one that was presented once before. I had ignored it then for another, but now I am tempted to accept. This path is one that's free of the appearance of responsibility and love. My core cries out as I continue spinning, unsure of the path that's best. My desires are awakened and are fighting within me. To know to do good and to do it not is a sin, but who decides what's good? Every path is lined with fragrant blossoms and shady tress, they are well-lit by the glory of the sun, each has its own rewards and it's own demands. No matter the path I chose, I am walking away from the ones I don't. I lose either way. Who will win this battle raging within me? Will I ever stop spinning long enough to take my first step, or will I continue to spin until the storms come and destroy all that is good around me?

Great Quotes

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some, it's in everyone. As we let our own light shine , we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandela


We are at war. We must fight for the life God intends for us, which is to say, we must fight for our heart, for it is the wellspring of that life within us. -John Eldredge

Beautiful Grace

The beauty of belonging
To the Savior of the world
We are His priceless treasure
Once sand but now a pearl
Worked into perfection
Thread on the strand of life
Linked together with the family of Christ

The beauty of belonging
To the Author of our faith
We have a hope beyond this world
And God's amazing grace!
We're covered by His mercy
Rather than our wretched sin
And like Christ, on that day
We will live again!

Grace, grace, beautiful grace
Grace that makes me whole
Grace, grace, beautiful grace
Grace that saved my soul

The beauty of belonging
To God our blessed King
We once were lost without a hope
Bound for suffering
Now we're heirs to the throne
A child of royalty
Bought with the blood of Christ our Lord
Forever to be free

Written by me. Thoughts? Anyone? Mama? haha!

Peace

Verse 1
Woke up this morning with coffee on my mind
Day starting too early, no peace I can find.
Baby crying, daddy sleeping, hearing 'mama,' clock a beeping,
Need a break from all this grind, no peace I find.

Chorus
Jesus I need your peace.
The kind that passes all understanding.
In the depths of my soul, Lord, take control
Remind me of my blessings
We're free to learn and play
And go to work each day
The joy is in the little things

Verse 2
Sittin' here lost in my thoughts
Chaos all around
A sadness creeps into my soul
No joy can be found
Feelin' lonely and so tired
Though I'm not alone
Thank you God that this life
Is not my final home

Verse 3
Who said love is all you need?
What about some peace?
Some understanding?
Someone that you can call
And tell anything at all
What about the little things?


*Written by me. Tell me what you think. I always appreciate your comments. Thanks!

Hope for the Hopeless

    Hope is an amazing thing. It can take you from the epitome of depression to a belly laugh. It is like the summer sunshine on a cold winter's day. It can rescue a suicidal teen, mend a broken marriage, heal a wounded heart, and save a lost soul. Many people in this world today feel like hope is only for the weak. They see it as a crutch for those who can not do this life alone. However, I see it this way: The only people who don't need hope are those who think they are in control. However, once you realize that you are, in fact, not in control, you begin to see hope as a beautiful and vital possession.

Go Ahead and Speak

    Sometimes we dread a conversation that we know is crucial and inevitable. We dance around the subject. We suppress the emotions behind the topic. We search for the courage or the right time to bring it up. We fumble over our words, terrified of actually saying what is really in our heart. However, we find that once we finally summon the courage, a weight is lifted. The words are out there. They can't be taken back, so we must be careful how we say them, but at least they're out there. We have opened the lid and allowed the emotions to flow out. The agony of bottling them up for so long is released. We understand that our words do not stop where they fell, but we are prepared to accept where they take us. After all the pain they have caused us while keeping them to ourselves, nothing could be worse. We fear that once we say them, we'll be alone. But the truth is, once we let them out, we invite the one who hears them in. As they enter, they bring with them a sense of understanding that no one else can know. Therefore, where you once were actually alone, you are now never alone.

Our Perfect Little World

      There is a perfect world out there. In this peaceful land there is harmony among the people. Everyone there is in love with the one they're with, never turning to another for an unmet need. The children are obedient, respectful, and calm, yet unique, creative, and always reaching their potential. The homes are always clean and orderly. The finances are abundant in every family. No one is alone or forgotten. Everyone is successful at what they do best and loves what they do. The people there are always looking out for one another rather than for number one, and love to serve rather than be served. No one would dare lose their temper or hurt another. The fruit of the Spirit overflows from each person’s life. This world exists somewhere in the dreams of the hopeful. The problem with this world, however, is that it's impractical. It's impossible. It's Boring, and it's not enough. The flaws of the real world are what keep us going. It's what revs us up! the lack of money makes us work harder. The lack of love makes us appreciate it when we find it. The ignorance of children drives us to teach them. The lack of goodness in this world awakens the passion inside us to make a difference. If all was perfect, what would be the point of life? Heaven would be the only thing left for us to strive for, and that only comes in death. Count your trials as joy, for in them, we are strengthened, enlightened, and empowered.

Heart Cries

I know you're out there, hundreds of miles away, thinking of me in the same fondness I have for you. Just the passing thought of you lights up my eyes and causes my heart to flutter. We are just two lonely souls trying to find our way, and so far, all we have found is each other. You turn the sadness in my heart to hope for something better. you give me a reason to breathe. You know my innermost thoughts, and they are safe with you. I long to hold you and look into your eyes; to share a heart-felt laugh and fill our empty lives with moments to remember. Your steady devotion builds a solid place for me to stand. When you stepped into my life, I took my first breath. When you step out, I will take my last. You are life to me, and I wouldn't want it without you.

A Jumbled Mess

   So many thoughts running through my head and most of them are fatal. Feelings of failure, inadequacy, loneliness, rage, frustration, depression, and stress beyond what I can bear are flooding my soul, slowly drowning the life from it. As I look around me, all I see is goodness. However, my world has been tainted by my jumbled emotions that erupt without warning. I have destroyed my Picasso. What a beautiful and priceless portrait of family I have been given that I have spilt my guts on. Such beauty deserves to be appreciated and respected, not used as a palate to test my colors upon. I feel the best I can do is walk away and leave the true artist to bring this work of art by to its original beauty. The damage is done. Years of slowly chipping away, till finally there is nothing left but rubble: That is where I am. Although I feel so alone, I am not alone here in this mess. I have brought others to the scene, and they are standing around starring at me, confused, and wondering how this could have happened. No one saw it coming. Why didn't they notice? Perhaps because, although they we're there, they forgot to look around and notice anything but themselves. Perhaps every little chip that broke off was thrown at them, but they were too wrapped up in their own lives that they didn't feel it until the whole building came down. Perhaps this is what needed to happen. The building was crumbling beneath them, but until it did, they didn't take the time to notice. The cracks were there. the roof was leaking. The floors were squeaking. Yet, no one noticed. Now, it's too late. you can't fix rumble. You have to start from scratch. The question now is, do you want to rebuild what you had, or take this opportunity to create something brand new?







* As a side note, remember, don't assume this is about me. I simply just want your thoughts on the subject! Thanks!*

So Serious!

    Since my last post, I have recieved emails and phone calls from people concerned that my marriage is in trouble. Don't worry! We're fine! My posts are not meant to share every detail of my life, but to provoke thought into various subjects. I may tell a story to reveal a deeper side of myself, or to simply get your reaction. Which of those reasons is up to me, not for you to assume. I love to hear your feed back, don't get me wrong! But, please don't assume that what I write is about anyone in particular. You all know what assuming does, right? yeah, we don't want any of that. Thanks to everyone who has begun following me! I am excited to have an audience to share my thoughts with. Please, continue to listen and feel free to respond!

You are always on my mind

      I keep thinking about all the years we've spent together. The memories we share, the good and the bad. We started out sharing every thought and dream we had... Did we quit dreaming? Have we shared every thought? Why has every conversation become that of only daily news rather than a moment to share a part of ourselves? My heart still loves you. That has not changed. But my security in your love for me has been shaken. The words are there, your actions even show it, but emotionally, you are not there. Have you ever been? Was I so convinced by your lips and your arms that I didn't listen to your heart? I long to feel the passion I expected when I fell in love. I need your compassion when my heart is heavy and my eyes are full. I crave an intimate conversation where your soul is bared and a little piece of you is entrusted to me. I want to feel the pleasure I see in your eyes when we share our love in the night. Were my expectations unrealistic? Is this forever I thought I'd found just a dream that will never come true? What do you do when  the surface is smooth but you feel the heat of the lava beneath? You know your world will eventually erupt, but do you keep dancing on the ice until it does, or do you find more stable ground? The answer seems obvious, but when you are in the middle of the dance and the whole world is watching, you feel an obligation to finish the song, right?