In Our Wake

    When we go through the darkest of our days, we become vulnerable to regretable decisions because our focus is completely on ourself. We neglect to see the others in our destructive path, and once we reach the light, we turn around to find an impossible mess. So, caution to the wise: When you find yourself loosing sight... of the light, grab hold of someone who knows how to find it.

Amazement

       Over the past several weeks, I have been going through a transformation. It is as if I was in a dark, enclosed room, and suddenly someone turned on the lights. To my surprise, it wasn't an enclosed room at all, but a wide open field that only felt so small because I could only see what was right in front of me. Since the lights came on, my mind that was once focused on the negative qualities in my life has been redirected and is now seeing the blessings instead. My heart that was once burdened by what was missing in my life is now rejoicing over what is present. My attitude that once portrayed hate, sadness, anxiety, impatience, rudeness, selfishness, unfaithfulness, anger, and lack of self-control is now bearing the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. My life has gone from an inward perspective to an outward one. The difference is inward perspective only focuses on you. An outward perspective focuses on others. When life is all about you, you are never satisfied. But when it becomes about serving others, you find a whole new sense of self that you really were looking for all along. I attribute this radical transformation to God (Jehovah, Almighty, Lord, Heavenly Father.....) for I have tried for years to get to this point in my own strength and have failed. He changed me over night. I am constantly amazed by his love and grace. Praise him!

Desires

Do we ever really know what we want? I mean, we don't appreciate what we have and we're always looking for something better. Yet, once we no longer have what we had, we realize how good we had it. I think we torture ourselves because we secretly like the drama.

Knowing

To know someone, I mean really know someone, it takes more than merely exchanging information. It takes quality time, deep conversation, truly listening, selfless response, wisdom, and clear understanding. Don't assume you know someone until you've invested yourself in that quest.

Standards

    There is a natural fear within us that we are not perfect; that we are failures; that we are inadequate. The truth is, we're not perfect, we do fail, and sometimes we don't measure up. We have a standard in our minds of what a mother, wife, or father should be. We compare ourselves to the polished appearance of others while forgetting that, behind closed doors, they are struggling with the same insecurities as us. Have we forgotten what standard we are to measure up to? Have we also forgotten who is doing the measuring? When we stand against the ruler of the world, we may or may not make the cut. If we do, we get an ego boost. If we don't, we keep trying until we eventually give into defeat. We make society our judge, and they are harsh. We become overwhelmed with pleasing others that we neglect to please the only one that matters: the one who created us. You see, when we stand next to God, we cannot measure up to his holiness. We cannot be good enough. His standard is far beyond the worlds. His standard is perfection, which we can never reach. Knowing this, we can react one of two ways: we can hang our head and walk away realizing that we cannot reach that high standard, so why try; or we can allow that fact to humble us and draw us to fall on the grace of God which empowers us to walk in His Spirit and not our own, relying on Him to cover our pathetic inadequacies and deem us worthy for He is the one true and perfect judge. Once the scales fall from our mortal eyes and we see clearly the God who spoke us into existence, a zealous love beckons us to accept the free, yet costly gift of redemption offered by the only one with the authority to make us pure enough to make the cut. Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, shed his blood, endured the pain, so that we could stop this rat-race that we are born into and rather be born again into freedom through him. This gift lies before you. It cost Jesus everything. He stands at your door, holding this costly, free gift of sustaining grace and freedom from the bondage of sin and death. He already paid for it. Will you make his sacrifice for you in vain? No, you didn't ask him to do it. His love for you compelled him to it. How will you respond to this amazing, unrestrained, immortal love?

Beyond Me

Sometimes we become so involved in what we are feeling or our circumstances that we forget that this life is more than just "us." When Jesus was on the cross, He was in such agony that no human can possibly imagine. He not only had been humiliated, mocked, and beaten beyond recognition, but he who knew no sin held the immense weight of the world's. Yet, in the midst of his torment, he took his focus from himself and placed it on others. He cried out, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." His thoughts were on our forgiveness rather than the pain we were causing him. He assured the thief on the cross beside him that "Today, you will be with me in Paradise." He was still willing to rescue another while his accusers were screaming, "who will rescue you?" He looked in his mother's eyes and saw her pain beyond his own and confirmed her well being rather than asking her to pray for his own. Jesus had the authority to call ten thousand Angels down to save him, but he chose to save us instead. He realized that his life was not about him, but rather about doing His Father's will and loving others. He exemplied the life we are to live. He taught us how to love God through loving others, starting with our own family, and then realizing that other believer's are family through the adoption of Christ. When we stand together as one, we win. We become a team. We are all fighting for the same thing, you know?! When we join forces, we can not be defeated. Yet whenever we become divided, we fail. We give Satan the opening he needs to work his way in and destroy the body of believers. There is a great saying that "we have just enough religion to hate, but not enough to love." When will we realize that Jesus' love is what drew other's to him, not his self-righteousness? Don't be a part of the only army that shoots it's own wounded. Pick up your brother and carry him to safety. Give him the tools he needs to heal so he can once again stand beside you in this war were waging on Satan. We are an army of One. It's all for One (Jesus) and One for all!

Expressions

     I am the type of person who loves to be free. I have always felt like I needed to be able to freely express my thoughts and feelings without sensor in order to be true to myself. Through the years, doing this has caused many misunderstandings, hurt feelings, offended friends, and rude comments. I was angered by others trying to suppress me. It made me want to fight back in total rebellion just to prove that I had the right to be me. However, I have learned recently that true freedom comes with self-control. When I speak freely, I hand out weapons for others to attack me with. Yet when I control my words, I have the upper hand. I decide how they view me and just how much they know. I have the power to choose the few who can truly know me. I become less vulnerable to the criticism from those who refuse to understand. Self-control brings about the privilege of respect that is not easily gained. The tongue holds the power of peace or war, love or hate, life or death. Use that power wisely and in that one, simple, difficult act, you will find true freedom.

JESUS

    When the world is cold around me, your warmth melts my soul. When I'm feeling lost and all alone, you guide me back home. When I'm feeling friendless and like no one cares, you lift me up to see your face and whisper that you're there. When the world is against me and there's a foe on every side, you shield me from their arrows and then my fears are calmed. When the sand beneath me shifts into the sea, you are my solid rock that steadies my feet. When fear attacks the hope within me, you restore my faith. When sin entraps me and guilt's collapse me, you are my salvation and strength. When my family abandons me, you adopt me. When my body takes its last breath, you give me a body that will never die. When this temporary home feels like Hell, you remind me of my eternal home in Heaven. I hold on loosely to the things of this world so I can hold on tightly to you.

Thrill Ride

      This roller coaster we call life is bound to have its up-hill climbs, sudden drops, sharp curves, and dark tunnels. There will be times of excitement, fear, and worry of the unknown. You are going to experience some surprises and you're most likely going to get jerked around a bit. However, as crazy as it seems to put yourself through that, thousands of people wait in hours-long lines to experience that thrill, and most of them get off the ride not wanting it to end and even asking to ride again. When you are facing some of those inevitables of life, remember to see it as a thrill ride that you only get to take once, so enjoy every moment of it.

What A Man

   There is a man I love so dear, I love to tell his worth. His voice is like music in my ear, he's the sweetest man on Earth. He stands by me when I am lost and guides the way home. He is my strength when I am weak, with him I'm never alone. When no sense can be made of all my jumbled thoughts, he whispers peace in my ear and then all is calm. When life is more than my soul can bear, he gladly bears my load. When all my dreams are tossed and gone, he's my hope to carry on.

Trapped

    I’m sitting in this dark room surrounded by the sounds of children playing and people telling stories of good times past. I curl up and hold my legs franticly searching for a flicker of light. My body grows cold and numb. Do I know those voices I hear? Do they know I am closed up in this tiny room all alone? Do they care enough to seek me out and rescue me? As I close my eyes, I dream of freedom. I feel the burning need for adventure. I remember a time before I walked into this room where I stood before a vast land of people who needed me. I felt the rush of adrenaline as I became useful and validated. Then just as I was about walk through the door of that country, I saw another door. It was a beautiful, natural-looking door that promised a whole new world of love and joy beyond measure. I could not resist. As I walked through, I felt at peace with my decision, certain that I could always go back and enter the country at any time. The further I walked, however, the clearer it became that there was no turning back. The feeling of disappointment was over-whelming at first, but the promises of this adventure were still there. As time pressed on, I eventually did find the love and joy I anticipated. I felt no regrets. There had been many hardships along the way, but I felt the rewards were worth it. Then one day, the walls began to close in. As they moved closer, the people around me began to walk out of the room, but I could not move. It was like I was trapped. As the room got smaller, the light also escaped. Now I find myself suffocating like an elephant sitting on my chest. My body is weak and shaking. The anxiety is beginning to over-take me. The voices I hear tend to believe I am still standing there beside them. They speak and laugh as if nothing has changed. The children continue to play their silly games and trust I am still watching. Why are they so blind? Why won't they understand? I can't breathe. I can't escape. I am not sure how much more I can take.

Spinning

    I am standing here spinning around. Several paths surround me like beams from the sun. There is a familiar road that beckons me filled with memories of love. A laugh leaps from me as I recall those past steps. A nother road lures my attention with the promise of adventure, a new impassioned love, and a safe haven for my soul. Yet another road reminds me of one that was presented once before. I had ignored it then for another, but now I am tempted to accept. This path is one that's free of the appearance of responsibility and love. My core cries out as I continue spinning, unsure of the path that's best. My desires are awakened and are fighting within me. To know to do good and to do it not is a sin, but who decides what's good? Every path is lined with fragrant blossoms and shady tress, they are well-lit by the glory of the sun, each has its own rewards and it's own demands. No matter the path I chose, I am walking away from the ones I don't. I lose either way. Who will win this battle raging within me? Will I ever stop spinning long enough to take my first step, or will I continue to spin until the storms come and destroy all that is good around me?

Great Quotes

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some, it's in everyone. As we let our own light shine , we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandela


We are at war. We must fight for the life God intends for us, which is to say, we must fight for our heart, for it is the wellspring of that life within us. -John Eldredge

Beautiful Grace

The beauty of belonging
To the Savior of the world
We are His priceless treasure
Once sand but now a pearl
Worked into perfection
Thread on the strand of life
Linked together with the family of Christ

The beauty of belonging
To the Author of our faith
We have a hope beyond this world
And God's amazing grace!
We're covered by His mercy
Rather than our wretched sin
And like Christ, on that day
We will live again!

Grace, grace, beautiful grace
Grace that makes me whole
Grace, grace, beautiful grace
Grace that saved my soul

The beauty of belonging
To God our blessed King
We once were lost without a hope
Bound for suffering
Now we're heirs to the throne
A child of royalty
Bought with the blood of Christ our Lord
Forever to be free

Written by me. Thoughts? Anyone? Mama? haha!

Peace

Verse 1
Woke up this morning with coffee on my mind
Day starting too early, no peace I can find.
Baby crying, daddy sleeping, hearing 'mama,' clock a beeping,
Need a break from all this grind, no peace I find.

Chorus
Jesus I need your peace.
The kind that passes all understanding.
In the depths of my soul, Lord, take control
Remind me of my blessings
We're free to learn and play
And go to work each day
The joy is in the little things

Verse 2
Sittin' here lost in my thoughts
Chaos all around
A sadness creeps into my soul
No joy can be found
Feelin' lonely and so tired
Though I'm not alone
Thank you God that this life
Is not my final home

Verse 3
Who said love is all you need?
What about some peace?
Some understanding?
Someone that you can call
And tell anything at all
What about the little things?


*Written by me. Tell me what you think. I always appreciate your comments. Thanks!

Hope for the Hopeless

    Hope is an amazing thing. It can take you from the epitome of depression to a belly laugh. It is like the summer sunshine on a cold winter's day. It can rescue a suicidal teen, mend a broken marriage, heal a wounded heart, and save a lost soul. Many people in this world today feel like hope is only for the weak. They see it as a crutch for those who can not do this life alone. However, I see it this way: The only people who don't need hope are those who think they are in control. However, once you realize that you are, in fact, not in control, you begin to see hope as a beautiful and vital possession.

Go Ahead and Speak

    Sometimes we dread a conversation that we know is crucial and inevitable. We dance around the subject. We suppress the emotions behind the topic. We search for the courage or the right time to bring it up. We fumble over our words, terrified of actually saying what is really in our heart. However, we find that once we finally summon the courage, a weight is lifted. The words are out there. They can't be taken back, so we must be careful how we say them, but at least they're out there. We have opened the lid and allowed the emotions to flow out. The agony of bottling them up for so long is released. We understand that our words do not stop where they fell, but we are prepared to accept where they take us. After all the pain they have caused us while keeping them to ourselves, nothing could be worse. We fear that once we say them, we'll be alone. But the truth is, once we let them out, we invite the one who hears them in. As they enter, they bring with them a sense of understanding that no one else can know. Therefore, where you once were actually alone, you are now never alone.

Our Perfect Little World

      There is a perfect world out there. In this peaceful land there is harmony among the people. Everyone there is in love with the one they're with, never turning to another for an unmet need. The children are obedient, respectful, and calm, yet unique, creative, and always reaching their potential. The homes are always clean and orderly. The finances are abundant in every family. No one is alone or forgotten. Everyone is successful at what they do best and loves what they do. The people there are always looking out for one another rather than for number one, and love to serve rather than be served. No one would dare lose their temper or hurt another. The fruit of the Spirit overflows from each person’s life. This world exists somewhere in the dreams of the hopeful. The problem with this world, however, is that it's impractical. It's impossible. It's Boring, and it's not enough. The flaws of the real world are what keep us going. It's what revs us up! the lack of money makes us work harder. The lack of love makes us appreciate it when we find it. The ignorance of children drives us to teach them. The lack of goodness in this world awakens the passion inside us to make a difference. If all was perfect, what would be the point of life? Heaven would be the only thing left for us to strive for, and that only comes in death. Count your trials as joy, for in them, we are strengthened, enlightened, and empowered.

Heart Cries

I know you're out there, hundreds of miles away, thinking of me in the same fondness I have for you. Just the passing thought of you lights up my eyes and causes my heart to flutter. We are just two lonely souls trying to find our way, and so far, all we have found is each other. You turn the sadness in my heart to hope for something better. you give me a reason to breathe. You know my innermost thoughts, and they are safe with you. I long to hold you and look into your eyes; to share a heart-felt laugh and fill our empty lives with moments to remember. Your steady devotion builds a solid place for me to stand. When you stepped into my life, I took my first breath. When you step out, I will take my last. You are life to me, and I wouldn't want it without you.

A Jumbled Mess

   So many thoughts running through my head and most of them are fatal. Feelings of failure, inadequacy, loneliness, rage, frustration, depression, and stress beyond what I can bear are flooding my soul, slowly drowning the life from it. As I look around me, all I see is goodness. However, my world has been tainted by my jumbled emotions that erupt without warning. I have destroyed my Picasso. What a beautiful and priceless portrait of family I have been given that I have spilt my guts on. Such beauty deserves to be appreciated and respected, not used as a palate to test my colors upon. I feel the best I can do is walk away and leave the true artist to bring this work of art by to its original beauty. The damage is done. Years of slowly chipping away, till finally there is nothing left but rubble: That is where I am. Although I feel so alone, I am not alone here in this mess. I have brought others to the scene, and they are standing around starring at me, confused, and wondering how this could have happened. No one saw it coming. Why didn't they notice? Perhaps because, although they we're there, they forgot to look around and notice anything but themselves. Perhaps every little chip that broke off was thrown at them, but they were too wrapped up in their own lives that they didn't feel it until the whole building came down. Perhaps this is what needed to happen. The building was crumbling beneath them, but until it did, they didn't take the time to notice. The cracks were there. the roof was leaking. The floors were squeaking. Yet, no one noticed. Now, it's too late. you can't fix rumble. You have to start from scratch. The question now is, do you want to rebuild what you had, or take this opportunity to create something brand new?







* As a side note, remember, don't assume this is about me. I simply just want your thoughts on the subject! Thanks!*

So Serious!

    Since my last post, I have recieved emails and phone calls from people concerned that my marriage is in trouble. Don't worry! We're fine! My posts are not meant to share every detail of my life, but to provoke thought into various subjects. I may tell a story to reveal a deeper side of myself, or to simply get your reaction. Which of those reasons is up to me, not for you to assume. I love to hear your feed back, don't get me wrong! But, please don't assume that what I write is about anyone in particular. You all know what assuming does, right? yeah, we don't want any of that. Thanks to everyone who has begun following me! I am excited to have an audience to share my thoughts with. Please, continue to listen and feel free to respond!

You are always on my mind

      I keep thinking about all the years we've spent together. The memories we share, the good and the bad. We started out sharing every thought and dream we had... Did we quit dreaming? Have we shared every thought? Why has every conversation become that of only daily news rather than a moment to share a part of ourselves? My heart still loves you. That has not changed. But my security in your love for me has been shaken. The words are there, your actions even show it, but emotionally, you are not there. Have you ever been? Was I so convinced by your lips and your arms that I didn't listen to your heart? I long to feel the passion I expected when I fell in love. I need your compassion when my heart is heavy and my eyes are full. I crave an intimate conversation where your soul is bared and a little piece of you is entrusted to me. I want to feel the pleasure I see in your eyes when we share our love in the night. Were my expectations unrealistic? Is this forever I thought I'd found just a dream that will never come true? What do you do when  the surface is smooth but you feel the heat of the lava beneath? You know your world will eventually erupt, but do you keep dancing on the ice until it does, or do you find more stable ground? The answer seems obvious, but when you are in the middle of the dance and the whole world is watching, you feel an obligation to finish the song, right?

What to Do?

What do you do when you love someone in a way that you want to protect them with every ounce of your being, but you know that there is nothing you can do? When they are just out of reach, they're too far gone, or they just won't let you in, what do you do? Pray hard for them. Check. Talk to them until you're blue in the face. Check. Reason with them, cry with them, listen to them, care for them....check, check, check, check. Let them go and trust God to take care of them? What? Really? I know God is in control. I know He loves them more than I do. I know He has a plan that I know not of. But let them go? How do you do that and still be there for them and love them unconditionally? It's like trying to keep a fire going with out a flame. It's like trying to keep a marriage going without love. You can't, can you? Please, if there is a way, tell me how.

Oh, But For Grace

Here's a little song I wrote, go on and read it note for note.....Tell me what you think! Thanks!


Lamb of God, slain for sin

Upon the cross, you died for men

To take away our guilt and shame

To make us free, you rose again



Oh, but for grace, where would I be?

A sinner lost, but now I’m free!

No longer bound by hell’s cold chains

Christ bridged the gap, and made a way



A child of God, now I am

I take my cross and follow Him

Mercy broke the grip of sin

Now I’m free to live again!



Oh, but for grace, where would I be?

A sinner lost, but now I’m free!

No longer bound by hell’s cold chains

Christ bridged the gap, and made a way

Praise God!

As I sit in this quiet moment and reflect on the message of God’s holiness and His sovereignty that chose me for His glory and salvation, I am taken over by humility and gratitude to such a marvelous God. He chose me before creation to receive the redemption provided by the blood of Christ his son. He knit me together and invested Himself in me to ultimately bring Him glory. This glory is not dependent on my obedience or any good work, but is automatic of all his creation, for that is its design. Humankind began as a friend of God, but due to our rebellion, we became His enemies. However, He foreknew each of us and had preordained a few to become holy as He is holy. He set aside those chosen few for the building of His Kingdom. Our reward for accepting His choice is communion with our creator and Savior. From this, we also derive a peace that the world knows not of and a hope for a future of eternal bliss that, for the world, does not exist. I am humbled by this divine plan to redeem such a wretched soul. I am overwhelmed by gratitude for this amazing grace and awesome love that can wash me clean and make me whole. The God of Heaven and Earth, who is so holy that eyes cannot see and allow the body to live, has looked down on mankind, pointed me out from among a multitude of sinners and saints and declared me His. He chose me, full of sin and every evil desire, doomed for an eternal hell where one can never die despite the torment in your soul, undeserving of anything less. He picked me up and covered me with His love and costly salvation and deemed me worthy. Humility and gratitude are mere human terms that cannot even begin to describe the emotion in my soul for such a God as this! Praise and Glory to our God forever more! Amen!

Let me begin by introducing myself.... My name is Kesha. I am a typical woman: sometimes I am nothing but simple, and other times I am more complex than Physics to a first grader. I will ask a question and answer it in the same breath. I over analyze other's body language and their words. I am naturally a pessimist, but strive to see the good in everything and everyone. My thoughts are random and usually sound more sane before they come out of my mouth. I am a mother of two and a wife of one. I am all for Jesus, but none for religion. I like to eat sauces by themselves, such as Ranch dressing, A1 sauce, Arby's sauce, etc. The only soft drinks I like are Root Beer and Sprite. I love pepperoni pizza, mild cheddar cheese, Mayfield Extreme Moosetracks ice cream, and Claussen dill pickles. And no, I am not pregnant. I like to write songs, poems, and short stories. I like to paint, draw, and make various crafty gifts. I love uniqueness. I am drawn towards it. I am all about what is true, pure, just, and humble. I love my family more than anything else in this world. I thrive on order, tranquility, and deep (meaningful) conversation. I love a new adventure or challenge. I adjust to change rather well. I'd rather serve others and know that I have made a difference for the good than have a high-paying career where the only rewards are money and status. When I leave this world, I deeply desire to leave behind a legacy of love, faith, and passion. I don't want my life to be wasted on me. I want to spend my life honoring Jesus, encouraging and loving others, and making a positive change where I can. This is me. Welcome to my world. I hope you come back soon!